September 2011
4 posts
9 tags
Fear For The Future
Time is running out, something I always feel acutely aware of. Right now, I am in a comfortable place, relying on the support of my parents, but my parents will not always be there to provide me with that support. One day I will be on my own.
Being on my own frightens me. I’ve never had much faith in myself to get things on track and do what needs to be done to provide a life for myself....
6 tags
6 tags
Sustainable Living
People who don’t know me very well always seem to be surprised if I tell them about my struggles with depression and anxiety. ”But you come across as so normal!”. Well yeah, it’s pretty easy for me to pretend to be absolutely fine for a couple of hours, and I’m grateful for it, because some people don’t even have that luxury. I can’t keep it up forever...
August 2011
15 posts
8 tags
Learning To Be An Island
No man is an island entire of itself
As much as I try to cultivate the persona of some grumpy old misanthrope, I don’t think it’s really me. I don’t hate people, and I do like to spend time with them. Some of them. Some of the time. I don’t have many friends though. The few I have are far away, and how long they would want to be friends with me I don’t know....
7 tags
Unpacking Is Hard
Today is a bad day. I had to go and cry in my bathroom, and that is never a good sign.
Even though I think of myself as a “recovering depressive” most of the time, things still get tough. It feels like classing myself as “recovering” is being a bit too optimistic right now. I try hard not to let my day-to-day life suffer too much from what’s going on under the...
3 tags
the-opposite-side-of-the-mirror asked: These sample cards look really good. Samples are done very carefully and I like your handwriting =) I thought about organizing my bead supplies like this, on cards, to see all colours, but I lack patience.
Are you going to make a book about beading technics?
Are you going to make a book about beading technics?
7 tags
10 tags
Identity
Hello. My name is Lesley. I’m 26, single, non-smoker, Capricorn, deist. I like knitting and kung-fu movies. If I was really drunk, and you were really, really drunk and neither of us were wearing our glasses, I’d try and convince you I look like Jessica Rabbit dressed as a librarian.
All of that is true (the Jessica Rabbit part slightly less so), but how much of it is ME?
We all...
Anonymous asked: Anything?
7 tags
Medicinal Purposes
Over the past 8 years of my life I’ve been on medication for about 50% of the time, with a pretty poor success rate. I’ve had Citalopram, Lofepramine, Clomipramine, Fluoxetine (that one is better known as Prozac) and Citalopram again. Nearly all of them had unpleasant or inconvenient side-effects, and none of them seemed to actually help - unless I would have been even more depressed...
7 tags
6 tags
8 tags
TMI?
A couple of months ago my parents, who still graciously allow me houseroom, had a new carpet fitted. I was pissing about in our lounge with my camera, trying to get some decent jewellery photos for my Folksy Shop, when I heard the carpet fitter ask my Dad “So what does your daughter do?”.
Ugh. The worst question.
According to my dad I’m 24, I just graduated and I’m...
8 tags
5 tags
Freudian Slip
I don’t really know how often or how long I’ll be writing about things like this, but the more I think about these things the more I find I want to say. It’s all just based in personal experience and observation, but I hope that it finds a few people out there who can relate to it.
Anyway, today I want to talk about “Therapy”. Something people have all kinds of...
5 tags
Normality Fallacy
I wish I was normal
People get mad when they hear someone say that. ”Don’t be normal! It’s so boring!”. Normal is now a terrible word - it implies blandness, boredom, a lack of identity, tedium and ennui. Normal does not mean any of those things.
Apparently I am all kinds of things - kooky, crazy, artsy, creative, geeky, mental, just plain weird. They all feel...
tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
July 2011
1 post
May 2011
3 posts
March 2011
1 post
February 2011
2 posts
January 2011
6 posts
Tea For One
This morning I sat alone in a cafe drinking a nice pot of tea and eating a very tasty toasted teacake. The cafe owner asked me if I would like a newspaper to read, and offered me a choice between The Telegraph and The Daily Express. I picked The Telegraph and for a brief moment I felt like a proper grown up sipping my tea and perusing the headlines. Then I realised I was just a small person...
I’ve been awake all night, which usually means I feel really amazing until around about lunchtime. I don’t know if this is mania or just what normal people feel like all the time. I can’t decide how to capitalise on it yet though.
3 tags
Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark - History Of...
New Babies: New Toys - An up-tempo start to the album that seems to think it’s a New Order track, until some very typical OMD synth kicks in. It has a catchy chorus, and doesn’t fill me with dread for the rest of the record. But I quite like New Order.
If You Want It - The slower pace of this one is more typical of the album overall, and this feels like an attempt at a big...
The Enemy Within
One chocolate has felled me. Orange truffles are one of my favourites. I’ve happily eaten Milk Tray for years. Last night they turned on me. Happy new year. I feel still feel unwell today. I can’t trust anything anymore. My own body seems to be trying to destroy me of late. Perhaps it’s just my age. Last year just, just before Christmas, I had an infection in my gum -...
December 2010
1 post
Sitting In The Tree
I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.
From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked […] I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.
I spent most of the past year crawling my way to the...